June 2008

The curse of the 3rd Sunday of the month reared its ugly head again as a strong southerly coupled with enormous swell once again caused a cancellation to the June comp.  Luckily a week later we were greeted with a nice swell bringing in 3-5ft surf with a favorable wind pattern.


The contest started off late with the tide rising and conditions a little “fat”. Smitty wreaked his usual havoc and had the 1st heat won before half the competitors had their first wave in sight.  John from Dripping Wet was heard commenting “wait till he wants to buy a new board though, we’ll see how he goes then”.  The next heat saw Stan attempt to take out the Vice President with a carefully executed straighthander to try and cut him off at the ankles.  Years of Bondi experience allowed our beloved VP to bounce off gracefully and steal the second heat from a fast finishing Steve Joy.  Better luck next time Stan.


The next heat saw JJ dazzle the judges with his usual flair and simply outclass his rivals.  Heat 4 saw our President assert his authority in the increasingly demanding conditions and  use his “Kung Fu Panda” technique to dislodge an oversized weekend warrior who made the tragic mistake of trying to share a wave with him. Who said you can’t lead by example. Viva the longboard spirit.


Finally the 5th heat took to the water with a myriad of girls and borrowed boards floundering in the difficult conditions.  Trista won the day by virtue of actually catching waves.


The 8ft division next took to the water and all were keen to dislodge Smitty from his tightly held perch.  Tony brought out his new 8 footer and desperately tried to win the tactical battle by surfing only the rights.  Wally and Steve tried valiantly but wave selection let them down.  It was up to the VP to carefully mark Rob and wrench the trophy from his hands, but alas he too came up short as the 8 foot champion again showed everyone how to slash and gouge in the conditions he most enjoys.


On the beach there was bacon sizzling, babies crying and the PA failing (again).  Dave ordered around his cooking bitches like a sergeant major with a score to settle, never once caring for their whingeing or input.  One poor soul was overheard remarking “I don’t think those onions are done Dave”.  He was last seen heading home with a pair of tongs up his arse. Dave did look fetching though in his new beret, and yes Dave your bum did look smaller when you wore it.  But I digress.


Chau turned up late and was granted a wild card entry into the 5th’s final with Dave, and these 2 fought out a cliffhanger.  “Pierre” the chef extraudinaire snuck home again causing Walrus and Vaughn to protest the legitimacy of the contest.  Listen boys, whilst ever he fills my stomach with food, he gets a wildcard entry, and thats that.


The 4th’s final was run last in the day and the conditions were well and truly stuffed causing most to call it quits and not bother venturing out in the rising swell and wind.  Richard T caught a wave and was back on shore before Stan had paddled out the back, and on countback (one wave to none) he stole another trophy from Stan who should be commended for managing to simply get out the back and make a contest of it.  Heeyaaa Stan.


The 3rds were also ravaged by dropouts but the standard still remained high.  Paul Singer and Wally were again outclassed by Zeeman who loves his new board and renewed enthusiasm for competition.


The 2nds saw the girls come out firing against the might of Steve Joy and John Radcliffe.  Claire did her darndest but the old fox and trophy hunter Mr Dripping Wet again went home with the spoils.  Don’t we all hate a good winner.


And so to the 1sts final.  This was run next to last and the conditions were nearly as atrocious as the 4ths final.  El Presidente declined the final after a steady diet of Vodka and Gin did strange things to his head.  Who the hell drinks Gin?  Oh yeah, 50 year old women with cucumber sandwiches on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  Sorry Dan, that one just got away from me.

JJ and the VP spent 6 minutes getting hammered on the shore break before they managed to paddle out the back, whilst Trista soon found she was a little out of her depth.  The hooter sounded for the beginning of the heat and somehow the Vice Preso managed to steal a lefthander from Smitty much to the delight of all on shore.  A good scoring wave, but would it be enough?  Smitty and JJ soon swapped blows and the contest was gonna be close.  As much as he tried the VP was outgunned and would have to settle for third. As often happens on a tight day, Smitty’s last wave snuck him home on a countback leaving JJ to ponder what might have been.


Another successful day had come to an end with our bellies full and our hearts singing.  Winter had really reared its ugly head today with a massive southerly blowing our tents and boards all over the place.  Thanks to the hearty few who stayed till the death and helped me put away all the gear and especially thanks to Dave and his “bitches” who kept us fed and watered in between surfs.


The winter solstice has meant the days will now be getting longer and we can once again yearn for those long hot summer days when our stinky wetsuits can be banished to the back of the garage for another season.

Keep on frothing you longboarders and remember, if you see a fit, middle aged guy, with blond hair, blue eyes and dazzling teeth dropping in on you, be nice to him, cause it just might be me.  Aloha.




1Rob Smith (countback)
3Henry Bryski
4Trista Vallentine
5Dan (DNS)

1John Radcliffe
2Claire Norman
3Sally Charles
4Steve Joy
5Suzie Grant

1Steve Czintos
2Paul Singer
3Wally Beneke

1Richard Townsend
2Stan Peters

1Dave Byron
2Chau Luong
3Chris Stonefield
4Vaughn Kirkby

8 Footers
1Rob Smith
2Henry Brycki
3Tony Ebeyer
4Steve Joy
5Wally Beneke